My name is Eminen – not Eminem.
I want to make that clear. Don't mistake me for him.
The differences between us are plain to see.
I'm clearly not him, and he's not me.
Em's from Detroit and he comes from the Hood
I'm from the Wirral, near Burton Wood.
The Wirral is a sandstone peninsular in the UK
where you're more likely to see a squirrel than an AK.
That said ....
A night at the Brewer's Arms is arguably less exciting
than standing on stage freestyling and reciting
tales of murder and family fall out ..
while I'm watching Tranmere Rovers kicking the ball out.
If you need convincing, there are other differences too ..
I need to make this clear so he won't sue,
or write a revenge track a la Machine Gun Kelly.
I'd hate to see Em diss me on the telly.
Here's another reason why he's not me,
(in case he claims I'm using the name Eminen illegally):
He's great at rapping, while I'm just a con.
I saw one of his gigs with George, my son.
We stood in awe as Em delivered beat infused speeches
to rival we'll fight them on the beaches,
A soliloquy going on for two hours.
For me Em towers
head and shoulders above me,
though he's 5'7 and I'm 6'3.
Apart from talent, he also has riches,
(now here I should really rhyme this with bitches,
but I won't as he's a faithful man
- who happened to write Stan, about a lunatic fan. )
Anyway, there's no doubting that Em is rich,
(oh now I should really rhyme this with bitch!
There's a powerful lexiconic imperative in rap
which obliges one to turn on the expletives tap).
I won't do this, as I'd just sound fake,
like pretending I'm a cod when I'm really a hake ..
or a peach! OK ...
Eminem is a very wealthy man - 200 million it says on the Net.
That's a lot by Wirral standards. Here is what Em could get ..
A thousand houses in Neston. He could buy the whole town!
If I saw him at the Cross, I'd show him around.
Take him down to Parkgate for an ice cream.
I'd think he'd like it. One can only dream ...
I guess he could also buy most of Birkenhead,
though apart from Oxton most wouldn't be seen there dead.
That said, I think Em would like Birkenhead Park -
or the skyscape of Liverpool after dark.
He'd be able to handle the scallies,
and walk safely down the streets and alleys.
8 Mile is a good apprenticeship for Birkenhead,
he'd have a pithy comeback to "eh mate, you're dead."
I mention Em's wealth to contrast him with me.
I don't really have much in the way of money,
apart from some stuff invested in cryptoassets.
That's it - apart from some books, CDs, cassettes ...
Cassettes you ask? Yes, I've got a few recordings. Different types ...
Tapes of Hurricane of Wind and The Naughty Soil Stripes.
You never heard of them? Well you bloody well should.
Although they never got recording contracts, they were really good.
I should know as I was in both groups ..
well before all this stuff with loops.
I digress ..
There are really big differences between Em and me,
though our rap names are spelt similarly.
What distinguishes our names is just one letter.
I'm not saying my rap name's any better.
In fact it could well be worse,
in the same way my couplets don't match up to his verse.
While Marshall Mathers is a glorious name - an M and an M -
mine, Mark Neal, is not quite the same - and M and an N.
His moniker resembles a branded candy. Handy for memory - like a mnemonic ..
Mine is less resonant, more nasal, with sonic
features that distinguish it from both Em's beats
and the peanut and coated chocolate sweets.
Em's got talent - lots of talent!
How much talent? Too much talent!
The way he crafts words is a wonder to witness,
the way he performs them is testimony to his fitness.
In many ways, he has it all .. wealth, skill, good looks - he's no minger,
and he gets better as he gets older. I mean, he produced the Ringer!
For me he's the best, the GOAT, the champ,
the greatest rapper to turn on an amp.
I'm none of these things - though I was once a singer.
I'm just a fan, like Stan .. while he's a humdinger.
So lawyers listen up ..
My name is Eminen - not Eminem.
I want to make that clear. Don't mistake me for him.
The differences between us are plain to see.
I'm clearly not him, and he's not me.
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